RATS! By ROD MARSDEN

Madness

MADNESS IN MUSIC

 

 

RATS!

Two men sitting on a park bench, Ken and Ian. Both are ratty looking with long scraggly hair and grimy clothes.

Ken: “I tell ya, mate. With inflation and devaluation of the dollar the rats are gonna take over.”

Ian: “No!”

Ken: “They really are gonna take over! They’ve been planning it for decades. Decades, I tell ya! Look! First there was rock-an’-roll – the devil’s music. Then it got heavy! It began to bruise the minds of its listeners.”

Ian: “Yeah?”

Ken: “Ever heard of a group called Deep Purple? What do you think the Rolling Stones’ ‘Black and Blue over You’ was all about? I tell you it was diabolical.”

Ian: “Diabolical you say?”

Ken: “Then came Punk, in protest. But it didn’t work! Then came New Wave, also in protest, but that didn’t work, either. I guess Madonna was just too much. You see, she used the ultimate weapon. Something we had no way of shielding ourselves against.”

Ian: “What was it?”

Ken: “Sex. Oh, the fiend! And she played the appealing innocent so well until she whipped off her disguise to wildly applauding fans. And now…?”

Ian: “Now what?”

Ken: “No one’s protesting anymore, Mate. Its too late for that. Back in the ‘60s they – the evil ones – used to pick guitar with their fingers. Now they pick with other people’s digits and… their teeth!”

A hoard of rats swarm into the park.

Ian: “You irritate me with your hysteria.”

Ken cries out in surprise mixed with anguish as he is attacked by thousands of rats who are, for the moment, not at all interested in Ian.

Ian: “And stop screaming at me. If you’ve got something to say, say it.”

The rats, all of them, wander away leaving Ken a skeleton sitting next to Ian.

Ian: “And, Ken, you can take that silly grin off your face.”

THE END

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